Marriage is hard work! It doesn't go as well for everyone. Two men were discussing their marriages. “My wife's an angel, that's what she is,“ said one. His friend responded, “Mine's still living!“

There are many stresses on marriages these days, especially for military families with the uncertainties and stresses of separation and deployment. Yet a good marriage is one of the great gifts God provides that brings joy and fulfillment unmatched in any other human relationship.

When I counsel couples who are about to be married, I draw their attention to three words. In the English language, we have essentially one word for ‘‘love” and that is the word ‘‘love” itself. In the Greek language there are at least three words for love and all three are important ingredients of a good marriage.

The word ‘‘eros” speaks of erotic or sexual love. Sex is an important part of a marriage relationship. It is designed by God for a man and woman to enjoy each other and to bring new life into this world.

The word ‘‘philia” speaks of the love between friends. We know Philadelphia as the ‘‘city of brotherly love.” In a good marriage, husband and wife need to be great friends. They need to look forward to the opportunities to share with one another and to encourage one another.

The word ‘‘agape” is a special word for love that is used within the Christian faith to describe the kind of love that Jesus Christ has for us. It is the kind of love that sent him to the cross. It is a self-giving love. It is a love that puts the other person first. This is the most important kind of love in a marriage. It plays itself out in a couple of very important ways. Agape love means we give and forgive.

We give. One of the best gifts we can give each other is time. Take time to be alone together. Give your spouse your full attention by listening. God gave us two ears and one mouth. Listen twice as much as you talk. Take time to really hear each other. Set times to plan together, pray together and play together.

We forgive. A man and his wife were in marriage counseling. The husband told the counselor, ‘‘Whenever we fight my wife gets historical!” The counselor responded, ‘‘You mean hysterical?” ‘‘No,” the poor fellow answered, ‘‘historical . . . she brings up everything I've ever done wrong!” None of us deserves forgiveness, but we all need it. When you forgive something, bury it!

Things may not have gotten off to a good start for you. Perhaps you've been going through a tough time. Try again, by giving and forgiving as a way of making a fresh start toward making your marriage the wonderful blessing it can be in your life.